Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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