There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
