i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
