I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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