I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
