Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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