Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
