are you still at the devil's house?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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