He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
