I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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