i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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