I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
