Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
