I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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