so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
