Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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