Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My balls are so social today.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
