i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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