I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
