i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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