good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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