My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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