I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
