I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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