He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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