there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
