Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
