I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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