I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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