I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
