Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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