don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
