alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
