You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
