I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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