haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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