You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
