I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
