P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
