toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
