hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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