i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
