I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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