need another drink. this is the easiest way
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
