i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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