Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
