Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
