So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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