never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
