i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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