went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
