wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
