We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
