They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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