I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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