Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
