How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
