the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
