I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
and she was petting her beer can
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There's always time for handjobs
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
