$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
