You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
