WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
