Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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